Thursday....

Hello lovelies,
Today is not going so well at all. Work is INSANE.

Yesterday I was doing so well, then I screwed up in the evening and binged. I didn't have the porridge in the morning, but did have the fruit pot and salad. Dinner was as planned, but then after dinner, I ended up eating 4 pieces of toast, with bovril and cottage cheese on (wtf?). I promise I'm not pregnant! So retarded of me. I couldn't purge either as hubby was hawking over me. I reckon my total cal intake yesterday was around 1200-1300 which is WAY TOO HIGH.

Today I have just had 3 coffees with milk (maybe 1/2 pint?) and have just finished a brown roll with prawn mayo on (200 cals to be safe). 1 cup a soup (100 cals), but I'm stressing out because my husband and I are going for dinner tonight, but don't know where. I don't want to pig out! Also I then have choir practice from 730-10, so at least that keeps me busy and unable to eat! I even remembered a water bottle today too. Go me! I'm going to be performing more and more with the choir, so I really do need to shift this weight quickly. Plus I'm going to Turkey for a holiday at the end of April and I don't want to look like a beached whale.

Tomorrow is official weigh day. I say this because at work we have weekly weigh-in sessions because a group of us are trying to lose weight. I'm so embarrassed by these - I'm clearly either the most heavy or second most heavy (my male manager might be more than me), but it's disgusting. I cannot NOT lose weight at these weigh ins. Trouble is, I've been off work the past 2 Fridays.... so I don't know what I am on the scales here. Freaked out big time. I think I'm going to have to ensure that I'm definitely taking my Orlistat and also maybe get some more senna tabs. Sad but true that this is my life but I have let myself get to this disgusting state. Horrible.

Need to pencil in some swimming sessions too. Very scared about getting into a swimsuit at this monstrous size, but I'm calm in the water and I can exercise and not realise it. Must sort this out ASAP!

OK so lunch is over at work, so need to get back to this day of insanity.