Thursday....

Hello lovelies,
Today is not going so well at all. Work is INSANE.

Yesterday I was doing so well, then I screwed up in the evening and binged. I didn't have the porridge in the morning, but did have the fruit pot and salad. Dinner was as planned, but then after dinner, I ended up eating 4 pieces of toast, with bovril and cottage cheese on (wtf?). I promise I'm not pregnant! So retarded of me. I couldn't purge either as hubby was hawking over me. I reckon my total cal intake yesterday was around 1200-1300 which is WAY TOO HIGH.

Today I have just had 3 coffees with milk (maybe 1/2 pint?) and have just finished a brown roll with prawn mayo on (200 cals to be safe). 1 cup a soup (100 cals), but I'm stressing out because my husband and I are going for dinner tonight, but don't know where. I don't want to pig out! Also I then have choir practice from 730-10, so at least that keeps me busy and unable to eat! I even remembered a water bottle today too. Go me! I'm going to be performing more and more with the choir, so I really do need to shift this weight quickly. Plus I'm going to Turkey for a holiday at the end of April and I don't want to look like a beached whale.

Tomorrow is official weigh day. I say this because at work we have weekly weigh-in sessions because a group of us are trying to lose weight. I'm so embarrassed by these - I'm clearly either the most heavy or second most heavy (my male manager might be more than me), but it's disgusting. I cannot NOT lose weight at these weigh ins. Trouble is, I've been off work the past 2 Fridays.... so I don't know what I am on the scales here. Freaked out big time. I think I'm going to have to ensure that I'm definitely taking my Orlistat and also maybe get some more senna tabs. Sad but true that this is my life but I have let myself get to this disgusting state. Horrible.

Need to pencil in some swimming sessions too. Very scared about getting into a swimsuit at this monstrous size, but I'm calm in the water and I can exercise and not realise it. Must sort this out ASAP!

OK so lunch is over at work, so need to get back to this day of insanity.

Everyone around me is eating. Apart from L. She's is looking perfect and definitely not eating.

For this to work, I need a plan. So this is today's plan:

Breakfast
1 x Harvest Morn hot oats with Water 97 calories
1 x fruit pot 63 calories

Lunch
1 x minestrone cup a soup 91 calories
1 x coleslaw salad 150

Dinner
1 x pork chop 250 calories
stir-fry vegetables 150 calories


It's now 1300 and I failed to eat porridge and fruit, so going to have that this afternoon. Just eaten my minestrone soup and will have my salad in a short while. Taken my orlistat pill too along with propanalol for my anxiety. I want lose 5lbs this week as a minimum.